"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."
My Boog Pages
Thursday, July 24
The Six Stages Of Gina
My wife and kids have been out of town for a little over a week now. I've been spending my newfound free time constructively - a research project, if you will. And the findings are in! I hereby present The Six Stages Of Married Bachelorhood:
Stage 1: Freedom! That's right, you're free. Go out and get drunk. Head off to the strip club. Or even (if you're like me) spend 14 hours straight playing video games.
Stage 2: Hangover. Stage 1 takes a lot out of you. Expect to spend much of the day indoors, with the lights off, maybe with a bag of ice on the back of your neck. Symptoms include: headache, backache, stiff neck (video games again), napping.
Stage 3: Procrastination. All those things you planned to take care of this weekend? If you don't start putting them off right now, you never will. Somehow watching the Doogie Howser marathon seems a lot more important than working on your web site or (shudder) mowing the yard.
Stage 4: Stomach Discomfort. The only thing worse than eating your wife's cooking is eating your own. You can only eat cereal and ham sandwiches for so long before it catches up with you. When it does, be near a bathroom. Preferably your own.
Stage 5: Loneliness. Remember what life was like when you were single? You will now. Once again you'll be a lowly worm, not worth the time of all those cute girls at the mall. This stage may alternate with Awkward Flirting.
Stage 6: Cleaning. Holy Mold, Batman! Your wife is coming back tomorrow! Get out the Bat Broom!!!
