"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."
My Boog Pages
Wednesday, March 27
Idiot Savant
Sometimes my brain works very quickly. Sometimes it doesn't work at all. Take the other day, for instance. My wife and I were taking the kids to the country to visit a friend of hers. She was telling me about the party she's got planned in a couple of weeks. It's a crawfish boil, and she went on and on about all the fun we were going to have, and all the things we were going to do, blah blah blah, and I couldn't resist saying, "And of course a little recreational wife swapping."
Needless to say, that was bad enough. But then she got all huffy and said, "Oh yeah? Well who would you swap with? I know you've got someone all picked out!" At this moment, my brain said (in James Earl Jones' voice): "Do Not Go There." So I toughed it out and refused to say anything else. I repeated the "not going there" mantra so many times my son said, "Where, daddy? Where are you going?"
Then there's days like yesterday. I got up early yesterday morning and paid some bills, which had me in a bad mood already. When I came home for lunch my wife wasn't there, so I had a few minutes to fix a sandwich and some Cheetos. Then my wife and daughter got home. My two year old daughter swiped my Cheetos, and when I snagged one of them, she burst into tears (in fairness, she's been sick). We finally got her calmed down. When I was ready to leave, my wife kept after me to get a dead bug from the living room. So - clearly insane - I picked up the bug with a paper towel and proceeded to chase my wife around the house with it. The chase ended when we went through the kitchen and she grabbed the first handle that came to hand out of our knife block. It was the whetstone. I said, "What the hell are you going to do with that, sharpen me to death?" but wisely beat a retreat soon after.
I'm dreading her revenge. I know it's coming, I just don't know where or when.